i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
