The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
