thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
