I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
