I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
