would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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