There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
