smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
