got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
