moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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