the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You made out with two different species that night
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
