shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
