if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
