I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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