I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
