It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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