if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
