i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i believe in u and ur pee
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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