I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
did i just pee glitter
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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