I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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