i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
