I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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