The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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