This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
