I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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