your thong is hanging out like whoa
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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