He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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