Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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