I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
high people should be assigned attendants
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
