There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
