i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
