my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
