New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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