I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
