Slut skills are useful in every country.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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