Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
