everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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