Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
