Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
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