I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
