This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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