This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize