If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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