I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize