the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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