I think scott just propositioned me for sex
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
