you turned your livingroom into a bong?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
