nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize