There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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