how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
