His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
