you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
