So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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