If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
