You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize