he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
