The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
