Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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