if i can run in heels then i can drive
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
