capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
