She's JV to your varsity
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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