Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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