so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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