You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
organizing the empties. That sober.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
