I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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