why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
