After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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