Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
