I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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