Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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