i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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