i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
