So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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