Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
