I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
